Some big decisions and Some small pleasures

How many reasons can you strike out when it comes to feeling of a heart sink! Probably many; considering we all are humans at the end of the day. So human that you feel miserable for other's situation rather than your own.

I watched turning 30 today. Sister was suggesting it for long time; dont know why; guess she saw in me a budding Gul panag or may be she thought I have every little detail available in me to be jobless and menless (or manless) in my own 30s. Little sisters grow up so soon!! Anyways, saw it and survived it. It is kinda watchable types. Gul Panag brings a very nice point in one scene. She says "You don't have to feel pathetic just because you are being happy in what u do in spite of what are you being asked to do".

Having said that why the damn happiness comes with twists. Dont we have enough of K serials already.

03092011

Another average day passed by, i was somewhere in between 'wish i had work' and 'Thank GOD i had no work'. Today started with most messed up day ever. First saturday ever I thought i would spend with me doing yoga and sleep; I had 2 go out for family reasons of course and that consumed my whole day. I was crying inside more and a little out for many reasons.

One!-----Knowing I am riding a boat which definitely has other passangers to care about; I am angry and upset most of the time for my undue unconditional attention which by the way has never been received a return gift. Waiting endlessly and then getting a stop button in between a streaming video is heart breaking.
~ It ignited a spark ~

Two!-----Suddenly at 2am i am made to decide to tear off all saturday plans and go out somewhere else. My first reaction why cant she do it before. No she had ofcourse to leave it on me. Second, why is she not empowering herself to go alone. But then i remember those childhood times when I used to have fever and she used to keep cold masks on my forehead whole night. I owe it to her!!
~ But my saturday was fucked, I had to pay my dues; literally!! ~

Third!-----Are things actually happening in same spree as they were happening last? Are we in circle here. Atleast I owe my 'every saturday fucked up' situation here because what i am today is becuase of them!
~ But till when I would be doing this. I am fucking tired. Does those small things which make me happy dont matter at all. The person to whom it makes sense; does not get a head from me and the one from whom I am expecting is giving me strength day and night to call this off; but i am still scacred and unhappy. Literally I am waiting for day when i loose it all and take a decision to withdraw all ~

In a nutshell better dont expect from anybody and find myself in every second of....

06092011

I left the page and sentence then and there only. Dont know why it feels so heavy now a days to write. Why do i need a broken heart to write amazing stuff.

I just realized after reading whole stuff above that it was a result of me PMSing. Sometimes my moods are so Tsunami that even I cant handle them.

Life is back on same speed and tasks though i managed to strike out something; still something is left. I seriously should stop divulging myself in my life now onwards. The more I run to explore and settle it, more I end up being beaten ruthlessly.

I want to write something funny now. Hope I get some motivation in coming days. Made a promise to myself; would write more. Reading idiotic stuff after ages written by you proves to be so embarrassingly funny. But then who effing cares; FML.

I am so happy that I am actually finishing a post which I am writing since a week.

Better late than never..In every aspect!!

P.S- FML stands for Fuck My Life.