I though you had balls!
Statuary Warning: Read only if you have balls to stand the sarcasm and content
There was a time when you were not used to be a male chauvinistic pig and I used to think Voila! I can also bang into some real species in this faker world. But then, as every mango brownie pie comes to an end scoop by scoop; this also did.
Though I wanted this post to be my 'venting the ire' post; I just decided No, It wont be. Bygones should be bygones (why does Bygone makes me feel that its a name of mosquito spray). Anyways, I have been laughing like an asylum patient now a days thinking about a movie's scenes. I mean initially, brother also reciprocated my laughter emotions but then now, even he is clueless and testing his ignorance power on me. (Still I am making sure he gets the gist of my jokes and feelings over the movie; Nevermind!)
So story starts with a super cleaned bus stand with lots of coolies than the passengers. It is crystal clear that director and creative team (if any) has no wish to make a bus stand look like really a bus stand. I mean bus stand is never a bus stand till the time you dont have plenty of old people in Dhoti with Gamcha over their head. What makes me come to this conclusion? Well having both the parent from UP and living in a state like Haryana; have made me quiet close to agriculture and old people's fashion fiestas like Dhoti or topi. You can already see a rage for Anna's topi. However, this bus stand does not have any touch of this sorts and the charm of bus stand is a one particular coolie which ofcourse, is a hero and you can snap it just the way Rakhi Sawant did post swanmwar to a poor baldy. So what is the reason behind that. What ever I could collect was that, he is a very healthy coolie. I mean all fair, chubby and 'Malai Milk' tyres around his glorious waist. Certainly, coolieing (i dont care if this isnt a word) is something which has not taken any effect on him since childhood.
Infact our heroine is also quiet a competition to milk-man chaap hero. Poor girl must have been starved to death to get perfect 24 waist but she forgot just like everybody else on this planet that for 24 waist you can never get 36 uppers and lowers. I mean those parts are human too and even they reduces with waist. So what shall director do to make it an extravagant sexily close to perfect look, of-course he pads it. Such heavy padding, God damn she could have never seen her footwear if she ever tried.
leaving no stone unturned; we have a song post a fight scene in the beginning. We have a desperate hero (literally a genuine expression on face) to get married. I mean certainly he looks like in search of somebody over whom he can vent his milky muscles. His prayers are answered unlike normal despo men around; and he meets a wedding broker "Shadi Ram Ghar jode" (So that if somebody fails to understand his profession from his clothes, from name they can). This broker has to take a revenge on some chick's father as that guy insulted him (for genuine reasons). I mean how can anybody would entertain you if you just go 'munh uthake' for girl's "hath peele" and all. Dude, You got to have some life no!
Anyways, immediately, hero's driver friend arranges a mercedes for him from his garage and some nice clothes (which by the way seems, must have been tailored from bed sheets my mom gave away to some 'Bartanwali' in 90s).
So these three intelligent people reaches village where this chick is staying with her hair-oiled father. They meet some architect fellow who is wearing a yellow engg cap so that audience has no doubt about his IQ of architecture. Though there is no buidling in place yet everybody on the site is working passionately on mountain with yellow cap gang. This broker has an idea to take advantage of this this thing and somehow managed to call chick's father. They flatter some crap about singapore and their AC-BC-DC car (dont know what on earth they come up with). The chick's father invites them and suddenly director realises time for some "shake your desi booty" dance jhatkas. And we have a song which ends up with a wedding and next scene is suhaag raat (Finally)
So now the catch comes, there is no bangla and no rich singapore heritage with our coolie. So again some crap to chick and her Lolita Mama. Btw Lolita Mama is so irritating with an ear aide machine. Bloody Parasite! He seems to be affected from some disease which must have been caught up from creative director of movie (if any).
Soon we see a double role; all thanks to classic "golmaal" (writer must have run away with that 'bartanwali' of 90s) which ends up with a beginning of climax. Climax is in hospital where chick's sister has been taken for abortion. Oh yeh, sister made out with driver friend but where?; i still have to find out after watcing it again. Seems in cinema hall though wonder how could they (must be some empty theatre with a movie playing of same director :S). So this driver and hero comes in mini skirt and name theirself as "Jackie chain ki behen cycle chain" (I loved expression on driver's face- he performed so convincingly in female attire; only talent of his) and as "bruce lee ki behen choos lee" (Hero also performed convinclgy- Hero ki maa must have wiped tears on this scene upon this movie release).
The next scenes; as we all are aware; are chain of fights between hero and some gunda whose existance is on what basis in this movie- No'fucking'body has clue about it. So movie ends with
- Gunda behind bars.
- Gunda's father adopting poor hero and his family (Same singaporean crap turns real).
- Chick's sister still confused about her pregnancy status.
- Driver gets the idea that his only contribution in the movie was to land sperms.
- Chick's father do some 'Blah Blah' onto which Ram Manohar type audience must have farted in theatre.
- People must have licked the butter on popcorn bucket with a known pungent smell in air.
- Chintu and Pintu must have cried their lungs out in their mom's lap to get them out of Dark and smelly theatre.
Still you watch this non-sense because It makes sense when you have a real hard kick from realities of life due to some ball-less jerks.
Lesson- Always watch crap, You dont know for how many days you would be laughing on it when you are alone. (In public areas, Dont be a lolita Mama and Pl avoid!)
Next on platter- Bhaujai Number-1 on Mahua Channel (FML)
There was a time when you were not used to be a male chauvinistic pig and I used to think Voila! I can also bang into some real species in this faker world. But then, as every mango brownie pie comes to an end scoop by scoop; this also did.
Though I wanted this post to be my 'venting the ire' post; I just decided No, It wont be. Bygones should be bygones (why does Bygone makes me feel that its a name of mosquito spray). Anyways, I have been laughing like an asylum patient now a days thinking about a movie's scenes. I mean initially, brother also reciprocated my laughter emotions but then now, even he is clueless and testing his ignorance power on me. (Still I am making sure he gets the gist of my jokes and feelings over the movie; Nevermind!)
So story starts with a super cleaned bus stand with lots of coolies than the passengers. It is crystal clear that director and creative team (if any) has no wish to make a bus stand look like really a bus stand. I mean bus stand is never a bus stand till the time you dont have plenty of old people in Dhoti with Gamcha over their head. What makes me come to this conclusion? Well having both the parent from UP and living in a state like Haryana; have made me quiet close to agriculture and old people's fashion fiestas like Dhoti or topi. You can already see a rage for Anna's topi. However, this bus stand does not have any touch of this sorts and the charm of bus stand is a one particular coolie which ofcourse, is a hero and you can snap it just the way Rakhi Sawant did post swanmwar to a poor baldy. So what is the reason behind that. What ever I could collect was that, he is a very healthy coolie. I mean all fair, chubby and 'Malai Milk' tyres around his glorious waist. Certainly, coolieing (i dont care if this isnt a word) is something which has not taken any effect on him since childhood.
Infact our heroine is also quiet a competition to milk-man chaap hero. Poor girl must have been starved to death to get perfect 24 waist but she forgot just like everybody else on this planet that for 24 waist you can never get 36 uppers and lowers. I mean those parts are human too and even they reduces with waist. So what shall director do to make it an extravagant sexily close to perfect look, of-course he pads it. Such heavy padding, God damn she could have never seen her footwear if she ever tried.
leaving no stone unturned; we have a song post a fight scene in the beginning. We have a desperate hero (literally a genuine expression on face) to get married. I mean certainly he looks like in search of somebody over whom he can vent his milky muscles. His prayers are answered unlike normal despo men around; and he meets a wedding broker "Shadi Ram Ghar jode" (So that if somebody fails to understand his profession from his clothes, from name they can). This broker has to take a revenge on some chick's father as that guy insulted him (for genuine reasons). I mean how can anybody would entertain you if you just go 'munh uthake' for girl's "hath peele" and all. Dude, You got to have some life no!
Anyways, immediately, hero's driver friend arranges a mercedes for him from his garage and some nice clothes (which by the way seems, must have been tailored from bed sheets my mom gave away to some 'Bartanwali' in 90s).
So these three intelligent people reaches village where this chick is staying with her hair-oiled father. They meet some architect fellow who is wearing a yellow engg cap so that audience has no doubt about his IQ of architecture. Though there is no buidling in place yet everybody on the site is working passionately on mountain with yellow cap gang. This broker has an idea to take advantage of this this thing and somehow managed to call chick's father. They flatter some crap about singapore and their AC-BC-DC car (dont know what on earth they come up with). The chick's father invites them and suddenly director realises time for some "shake your desi booty" dance jhatkas. And we have a song which ends up with a wedding and next scene is suhaag raat (Finally)
So now the catch comes, there is no bangla and no rich singapore heritage with our coolie. So again some crap to chick and her Lolita Mama. Btw Lolita Mama is so irritating with an ear aide machine. Bloody Parasite! He seems to be affected from some disease which must have been caught up from creative director of movie (if any).
Soon we see a double role; all thanks to classic "golmaal" (writer must have run away with that 'bartanwali' of 90s) which ends up with a beginning of climax. Climax is in hospital where chick's sister has been taken for abortion. Oh yeh, sister made out with driver friend but where?; i still have to find out after watcing it again. Seems in cinema hall though wonder how could they (must be some empty theatre with a movie playing of same director :S). So this driver and hero comes in mini skirt and name theirself as "Jackie chain ki behen cycle chain" (I loved expression on driver's face- he performed so convincingly in female attire; only talent of his) and as "bruce lee ki behen choos lee" (Hero also performed convinclgy- Hero ki maa must have wiped tears on this scene upon this movie release).
The next scenes; as we all are aware; are chain of fights between hero and some gunda whose existance is on what basis in this movie- No'fucking'body has clue about it. So movie ends with
- Gunda behind bars.
- Gunda's father adopting poor hero and his family (Same singaporean crap turns real).
- Chick's sister still confused about her pregnancy status.
- Driver gets the idea that his only contribution in the movie was to land sperms.
- Chick's father do some 'Blah Blah' onto which Ram Manohar type audience must have farted in theatre.
- People must have licked the butter on popcorn bucket with a known pungent smell in air.
- Chintu and Pintu must have cried their lungs out in their mom's lap to get them out of Dark and smelly theatre.
Still you watch this non-sense because It makes sense when you have a real hard kick from realities of life due to some ball-less jerks.
Lesson- Always watch crap, You dont know for how many days you would be laughing on it when you are alone. (In public areas, Dont be a lolita Mama and Pl avoid!)
Next on platter- Bhaujai Number-1 on Mahua Channel (FML)
:)
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