Mahabharata- Our Own Sex & the City

This is about that time when me and my friend were caught by a disease encountered in today's MNCs; 'You are here just to be managed (not to be worked)". With or without realizing, we used to pass our valuable time with every possible nonsense around us. My friend was going through those days in her life when you can not let any celebrity's life go easy on you. She used to come up with hidden facts about their life from various sources which, by the way, used to be juicy and fruity. That was the time, I discovered a true friend in her!

I developed a great a amount of respect when she gave me some very deep insights about Gandhi's gay lifestyle. Mind you we did not even have Joseph Lelyveld's book out by then. She managed it all by google and an Ahmedabad trip. *A Bow with Respect*

So we soon became very intrusive of 'old and died' topics around us and around world. One fine day, she asks me to turn up and read something on Wiki. I did and found out she has been reading Mahabharata. Soon a picture ran in front of my eyes of childhood Sundays when B.R Chopra's torture was deliberately broadcasted for us as kids by parents along with Sunday special 'Alu ke paranthe'. In life, first time i encountered a lethal combo to divulge myeslf in deep sleep; i.e Mahabharat + Aloo Ke Paranthe. Coming to friend's desk and fulfilling her expectation to read whole text taking into account that I am already on digesting mode post a full heavy lunch; resulted into couple of yawns already.

As a friend, she judged my internal struggle and came straight to facts.

She started narrating from beginning, only when, she tested the theory such as "Mahabharata is not Ramayana/Kauravas are the bad ones/Mahabharata is much more than a Cheerharan and a five husband's only wife" on me.

So she starts, It all started with a king named Shantanu who got hitched to Ganga and had a son Devavrata a.k.a Bheeshma. Now this guy, goes on hunting and ogles on this lady called Satyawati (why was I not surprised on "HUNT").

He wants to marry her (Unlike we have guys today) and asks her hand from her father who places a condition instead of dowry. He says that only his and satywati's son would be the king not Bheeshma. He agrees and but would be FIL is not convinced so Bheeshma comes to help father's love story and takes a vow of celibacy. (I still wonder was it about father or just to be Manly brotherhood when it comes to ladies).

So now this couple has two sons C and V (Too many names are going to come so we will talk with just short names). C is useless and dies, V comes into game and lead as a king of Hastinapur. Now there is a swayamwara happening in the neighborhood and king is not invited (Dude you aint happening, get facts right). So Bheeshma goes there uninvited and abducts 2 younger ones of 3 sisters (Amba (1A), Ambika (2A) and Ambalika (3A)) because the elder 1A likes some other dude among swayamwar participants and he is angry as Bhesshma has defeated him So-->Participant says no to 1A-->1A goes to Bheeshma to get married-->Bheeshma too say no to 1A becuase of celibacy shit. So we have an exasperated lady who fucks Bhesshma's happiness in her next life as Shikhandi *Middle Finger* * Respect*.

Now this V also dies without making any use of either 2A or 3A. Hence Satyawati askes his some other son (out of nowhere); Vyasa (Vy) to father some children with both As *Ahem Ahem*. By now I and 3-4 other collegoues are glued to friend's screen to read more. So next actions are as follows:

First Attempt:- 2A
--> shuts her eyes when Vy is doing her--> Dhritrashtra is born (Just look at the logic!!!)
Second Attempt:- 3A
--> turns yellow when Vy is doing her--> Pandu (also mean 'jaundiced') is born (Just look at the logic!!!)
Third Attempt:- Maids are sent!!!
-->No information provided--> A healthy and super geek Vidura is born.

So among D,P and V; D has to be the king but V gives some crap about "Blind fellas can not be king" and P becomes the king.
P gets married twice (why cant one lady satisfy those age men!) to Kunti and Madri.
D gets married to Gandhari (we all know about Gandhari blindfold act). Her brother is 'Shakuni' (The Vamp).

So P is in jungle one day and hits the sage Kindama thinking the noise is being made by some animal. That sage screws his life by a curse "You will die if you ever have sex". How could on earth you do that!!! Wish we had this ability with our court's judges to punish rape culprits.

Anyways, so P retires with his two wives in jungle and there is some strange boon with his wife Kunti. Now listen to this-

"she could invoke any god using a special mantra. Kunti uses this boon to ask Dharma the god of justice, Vayu the god of the wind, and Indra the lord of the heavens for sons. She gives birth to three sons, Yudhisthira, Bhima, and Arjuna, through these gods. Kunti shares her mantra with the younger queen Madri, who bears the twins Nakula and Sahadeva through the Ashwini twins."

HOW ON EARTH!!

I wish we had the same powers as well. All this Labor pain thingy should have been a cakewalk then, moreover we could pick up any GOD as per our wish and convenience, to produce einstein/steve jobs level kids.

Coming back to story, P gets desperate and ends up having sex with Madri, hence dies so does Madri.

Now we are left with Kunti who raises all five boys who later become 'Pandavas'. & D has kids who later become 'Kauravas'. Rest is history and in bits & pieces, we know all of it.

On a humble note, reading Mahabharata leaves me with great amount of pride and superiority just by admiring people back then. No matter how Page 3 spicy life they lived back then ;) they still had their fundamentals, respect and 'an eye for an eye' attitude intact. They were rock solid whenever it came to their beliefs and riots unlike 'compromising' us with system and loopholes!